25 was the year of seasons. And the gift of all four!
It was the first full year since 2014 that I’ve stayed put in America.
The year I felt it all. And became new all over again.
Not the spiffy shining kind of new. But the kind that cherishes, and forgives, and praises from a deep down place I didn't know existed before.
25 is where the most wildly creative God continued writing a bigger story through one of the hardest years of my life, weaving unexpected beauty and joy across even the dark pages as I learned to keep clinging to the Author regardless of what He’s writing.
It's where I started making a list as they came, jotting down some of the lessons I’d learned and things I became more certain of at 25 to be sure this forgetful heart would remember a bit better and cling to the truths I'd graciously learned the good and hard way.
So I wrote a list to me and for me & imma jump right in.
Speak Truth
& speak it out loud. To yourself, to your friends, to the human at the grocery store. Jump in your car, roll down the windows and blast whatever song proclaims giddy Truth. Even on the days you can hardly believe it, and especially on those days too. Yell it, say it, whisper it, or sing it way off key. Just do not let it sit in your head or in open books on coffee tables. Share it, write it, speak it out loud again and again— It'll do a number on our hearts.
Courage
It takes courage to show up fully. Courage to be the kind of brave that shares more than just bits of your messy world with any other human.
Choose it. and then do it again. There's a holy courage in choosing to believe that stepping towards people is always worth the risk of being misunderstood. And when you are- and you will be- have the courage to forgive and the courage to keep loving recklessly.
Honest
Be so stupid honest with God. You can't surprise Him, you can't even tick him off. He only see's you with a big fat compassionate heart.
25 was marked by raw windshield conversations with God — the desperate kind, the cussing kind, the big-fat-hot-tears kind, the surrendered kind, the praise-filled kind and the unbelievably joyful kind.
It is A-okay to be a human after God's heart and still lament out loud (thank you David)
The ugly bits of our hearts can not scare Him off, and the good parts dont add value either.
And in all of it, God will meet you there like a proud Dad every time, with a standing ovation for the courage it takes to show up brave and honest and messy.
I remember standing in church months back during worship, the phrase “you are good, you’re good” was being repeated over and over again with all it’s passion and all i could do was stand there with my arms crossed and eyes fixed on the ground. I wanted to sing out those words and mean it with every bone in my body, but I couldn’t- not honestly at least. So instead I stood there small and begged God that I would believe it again, that I’d believe with my whole heart that He is in fact good, in-spite of all circumstances. I asked that He would once again redefine my definition of "good" and grow my trust by a ton.
I prayed that often and a lot, I begged that He would remind and restore the joy of my salvation and you wanna know what?
He did!
It wasn't over night but I watched the Lord reignite that flame, and fill in the cracks in my foundation with Truth and His kindness, over a season of honest and messy and real prayers.
Ps 126:5 says "those who sow with tears shall reap with shouts of joy." and won't He do it!
These days I get to sing sure of the promises of God and all that He is, in a new and beautiful way. I know I've meant the words I've sung before, but now theres a deeper kind of assurance and trust coming out of these lungs.
Keep stepping into the ring.
Keep saying yes to the wild God dreams in your heart. Step into the boxing ring enough times and you're bound to get your butt kicked every now and again, but that's part of the risk. It builds character and grit and resilience and a sweet sweet deeper dependance on the Lord. Invite community and wise counsel long with you into your God ventures but dont waste too much breath justifying it to everyone else. You are not in charge of changing the narrative others choose to believe- you just get to communicate what's true. So keep bravely stepping into the action, unabashed and sure. Keep saying yes, no other explanation is needed. & keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.
Being like Jesus
is not the same as being Jesus.
When it's tempting to want to beat yourself up for not getting it right or responding in a way that doesn't perfectly represent Christ in a given moment , remember you are not Jesus. Let that not be an excuse but rather a reminder that there's a Savior who fought the battle for you to be able to fail time after time yet still get up and try again tomorrow with grace and compassion.His grace only sticks to the messy bits of us.
Formulas
There aren't any. Simply put, there is no 5 point sermon to getting it right. I've tried. But God blesses who He wants to bless, in spite of anything we've done or can offer. With no rhyme or reason other than for His glory.
"Who are you when no one needs you?”
The question that absolutely wrecked me at 25.
& I'm quite certain it was God's grace.
I was naive to how terribly easy it is to put even the smallest little smidge of a fraction of our identity—though never intentionally— in vocation or calling or actions or community or job;
subtlety and unconsciously until it gets a little rocked, and life makes you take a few steps back to get a real good hard look at it.
The two years I was abroad were spent serving and having clear and purposeful roles in my team and community while walking hand and hand with my Maker. I moved back to America, guns still blazing, without leaving much margin for adjustment. Yet life swept me into a wild season of transition and newness, and a handful of heavy things to sort though that I honestly just didn't see coming. The phase "you're not needed here" felt true and loud in so many areas that I believed the Lord was calling me. It landed me flat down at the feet of God, where he cupped my face and weary heart and asked "Who are you when no one needs you? and what if its not about what you have to offer? and what if I don't need you to do anything except stand on the very fact that you are wildly loved by me?"
You are more than your hands do,
You are more than what your hands have to give
You are more than how other hands may measure you.
You are what is written on God's hands
and it's the very place you're held.
Time
We don't have too much of it here, and if our lives are but a breath, I hope yours is nothing short of a big gust of wind. I'm praying you use what bit of it you have left dancing and investing in the only two things that will not die: God and peoples souls.
25 you were so good in all the hard and holy ways I never would have imagined I needed. 26 I'm giddy and so dang excited for you!
